Kaddish

The mourner's prayer

YITGADAL V’YITKADASH SH’MEI RABA.

So begins the mourner’s prayer for Kaddish in the Jewish religion. Most Jews are familiar with these opening words, if not the whole prayer.

The Jewish tradition gives good death. There is a powerful lattice-work of support for mourners, planned out in a timely way to carry their grief from day one to almost a year later, when a stone is ‘set’ on the grave of the deceased. Burial comes as quickly as possible, with little lying in state. The mourner’s immediate family tears a garment of clothing to mark the irreplaceable loss of a loved one. Then they stay at home for a week to sit ‘Shiva’, the hebrew word for the number seven, where friends, family and community members come round, with or without food, to comfort, pray and feed the family. We cover all the mirrors in the home, so that we need not look upon our grief.

For the first month, men in mourning traditionally avoid shaving. Another means of remembering our loss. And in that time it’s usual to avoid going out to social events. And then after a year, the gravestone is set, the family gets together to remember and to let go of their grief. Then on the same date in the Jewish calendar every year, we light a candle that burns all day for ‘Yarzheit’ (pronounced: YAHR-tzite) and say kaddish, the mourner’s prayer. That’s a pretty solid plan, all things considered.

Following the atrocities on October 7th, the people of Israel and Jews everywhere barely had time to absorb the facts, gather the wounded and mourn their dead before the onslaught of anti-Israel and antisemitic hate erupted around the world. As many people before me have said, there wasn’t time to let their blood dry before Jews were under attack. Again.

And then came the war on Hamas in Gaza, where countless thousands of innocent people have died and their loss of life must be mourned. 

So let us grieve. Let us mourn. Let us all mourn. Together.

Let us mourn the dead on both sides of this conflict

Let us mourn the distressed, injured and those left behind

Let us mourn the destruction in Israel and in Gaza

Let us mourn the childhood and adult trauma of innocent hostages

Let us mourn the generational trauma caused by this conflict

Let us mourn the loss of normal life caused by bombing in Israel and Gaza

Let us mourn the corruption of Hamas, unwilling to provide the basic needs of people living in Gaza, from bomb shelters to efficient infrastructure, while their leaders enjoy stolen billions safely in Qatar

Let us mourn the lost sensitivity and vile hatred directed at Jews around the world during this time

Let us mourn the racism against Jews in western university campuses and cities

Let us mourn the diminishing hope of peace between Israelis and Palestinians 

Let us mourn the disappearing sense of security felt so keenly now throughout the Jewish diaspora

Let us mourn the loss of decency by those who support Hamas and their campaign of terror

Let us mourn the end of trust in so many of the institutions that hid the knowledge of terrorist activity in the hospitals in Gaza, from the UN, UNWRA, Red Cross, Doctors Without Borders

Let us mourn the lack of balanced, fair and honest reporting about Israel on mainstream media

Let us mourn the double standards displayed by the feminist movement for raped Israeli women

Let us mourn the loss of authentic communication on social media, bombarded by fake accounts

Let us mourn the loss of reason and kindness expressed between people on social media

Let us mourn the friendships lost through this conflict, perhaps never to repair

Let us mourn the feeling of a clear conviction for continued western liberal democracy 

Let us mourn in safety

Let us mourn in peace

Let us mourn

And , when this conflict ends, hopefully with as many hostages released safely alive as possible, the defeat of Hamas and all other terror groups and politicians on all sides blocking the path to reason and reconciliation, let us pray for peace, justice and progress for all. And if you don’t pray, then hope and work for it.

For now, let us mourn.

YITGADAL V’YITKADASH SH’MEI RABA